The Official This Goes to 11 Election Season Guide to the Village Voice

An Army of Self-Gratifying Perpetually-Stoned Shit-For-Brains Losers...

Ace wears a tie?!?!

Orientation: You have to ask?

Tone: Effeminate, confused...stoned.

Fun Fact: Has been giving domestic partner benefits to its employees since 1982.

Candidate: Barney Frank isn't running. Leaning towards Obama...and lordy how they wish this rumor was true.

Stupid/Evil ratio: 200/200.

History: Ego-maniac Norman Mailer helped found the Voice in 1955 to provide "alternative" viewpoints...and promulgate "alternative" lifestyles. Journalistic merits include 3 Pulitzer Prizes (over 53 years...that's impressive) and a penchant for making up titillating stories about sexcapades.

Modus Operandi: Sex and Drugs, Sex and Drugs, Sex and Drugs,Sex and Drugs, Sex and Drugs, Sex and Drugs,Sex and Drugs, Sex and Drugs, Sex and Drugs,Sex and Drugs, Sex and Drugs, Sex and Drugs,Sex and Drugs, Sex and Drugs, Sex and Drugs,Sex and Drugs, Sex and Drugs, Sex and Drugs,Sex and Drugs, Sex and Drugs, Sex and Drugs,Sex and Drugs, Sex and Drugs, Sex and Drugs...

What to expect: The election was rigged. Voters were disenfranchised. Americans are stupid and unenlightened for electing another Republican. Republicans are evil.