The Sonic Alarm will wake pretty well anything up. Simply pull the pin, yell an emphatic “fire in the hole” and lob the grenade into the sleeper’s room.
Denver Broncos running back Travis Henry has a lot of money. Enough that he has a $100,000 car. Enough that he's spent $146,000 on jewelry. But not enough to take care of his kids.
Of course, he has nine of them, by nine different women.
DeKalb Superior Court Judge Clarence Seeliger this week ordered Henry to provide $3,000 a month for the Lithonia boy he fathered out of wedlock three years ago with Jameshia Beacham, now 29.
Henry isn't the most thrifty guy, according to court records, so the judge wants to ensure payment by establishing an unusual $250,000 trust that Henry must fund by next spring.
Seeliger wrote that the football player displayed "bad judgment in his spending habits," dropping $100,000 for a car and $146,000 for jewelry.
Meanwhile, Henry fell behind on support payments for his child with Beacham that were mandated by a previous order. Threatened with jail, he borrowed $9,800 from his former team, the Tennessee Titans, to pay the bill, according to court records.
His lawyer, Shiel Edlin, said that to his knowledge the trust would be without precedent in Georgia. A quarter-million dollars is a lot of money, even for Henry, Edlin said. "He has some concerns and he's weighing his options."
Records show that Henry's children are scattered across both the American and National Football Conferences — including Florida, North Carolina, Tennessee and Georgia. Wellon said Henry talked about gathering them together to watch him at training camp. Indeed, part of the custody arrangement Henry reached with Beacham requires two weekend visits when he is playing pro ball.
Edlin said Henry wants to be a good parent. "I know these are a lot of kids, and there might be some questions about it," he said, "but he's a really committed father."
Can you just imagine how many urine-stained sans-a-belt slacks there were in newspaper offices across America when Berkeley Breathed submitted this comic? What a bunch of wusses. Of course these papers will all withhold the strip because they don't want to "offend" anyone.
I don't CAIR. You'll notice a link for the comic strip Opus under "funnies" down the right side of this blog. I LOVE Berkeley Breathed's work. And if he is going to slam Islamotards, I love him more.
Update: Via Hot Air, the full strip that was to appear on Sunday is here. That's "offensive"? Allahpundit and Bryan Preston analyze.
What? Are you nuts? THIS is what am thinking:
First round draft choice Lindsay Lohan
Confused? Check this out.
*Join an 8-team league.
*Create a wishlist to draft your team's 10-celebrity roster.
*Compete for 9 weeks using head-to-head weekly matchups and point-style scoring.
*Score points based on how often your celebs are in the news.
*Manage your team's roster every day by adding and dropping celebrities to score more points.
I haven't been able to determine how many points I'll get if Lindsay OD's, or drives her car into an IHOP...but I just hope she stays alive long enough to win my league.
(Was that in poor taste? My bad.)
The raids focused on gang members in Escondido, Oceanside, San Marcos and Vista. The largest number of gang members was found in San Marcos, followed by Escondido, ICE spokeswoman Lauren Mack said.
In addition to the gang members, law enforcement officers picked up 68 Mexican nationals believed to be in the United States illegally.
“They weren't gang members or associates, to our knowledge. They were just in the wrong place,” Duarte said.
Wrong place? Ya think?! They shouldn't be here to begin with you Billy Club-carrying Bureaucrat! Just do your damn job and enforce the law for once.
"What'd you call my 'lil cousin, ese?!"
Beltway-itis infects both parties. For every f-bomb-dropping Bob Filner and slap-happy Cynthia McKinney and boorish Patrick Kennedy (who was caught on tape shoving a female security guard at a Los Angeles airport while flashing his congressional ID badge), there's a Christopher Shays. The GOP congressman last month went ape when challenged by a Capitol Police officer, displaying classic buttinski symptoms of arrogance, elitism, lack of basic decency and contempt for the common man.
Chrissy Shays: I'm better than youPolitico.com reported that Shays got into a loud, angry dispute with a U.S. Capitol Police officer at a security checkpoint. He reportedly reached for the officer's identification during the dispute over whether the officer should allow a group of tourists to enter the building. Tourists are barred from an entrance Shays was trying to barge through with the group. The Republican lawmaker "yelled and screamed" at the officer.
Congressional Quarterly characterized Shays' hissy fit as a "profanity-laced tirade" in which the lawmaker grabbed the officer's nametag.
Democrat Rep. Bob Filner made headlines this week for pulling a buttinski act at Dulles Airport in Washington. According to press accounts, the liberal congressman was angered that his baggage hadn't arrived. He reportedly pushed aside an airline employee's arm and refused to leave a restricted area. The employee has pressed misdemeanor charges of assault and battery against the lawmaker, who scoffed that the allegations were "ridiculous" and "factually incorrect."
Ridiculous that he would lose his temper? This is the same congressman who shouted and cursed out two Veterans' Affairs officials last summer after a news conference — lobbing foul obscenities at the officials in front of reporters.
As Filner likes to remind everyone, he has been in trouble with the law before. Though it would be unfair to come down too hard on him for this:
Here is Filner's congressional website. A few things seem to jump out. First of all, as the congressmen for the entire border of California, I find his stance on immigration to be a little scary:
Bob knows that Americans and Mexicans cross legally (in both directions!) to connect with loved ones, to go shopping, to go to work or school, and to attend sporting and cultural events. The region is richer in so many ways because of this constant exchange, but it also faces unique challenges.
Bob has been fighting to decrease wait times at all ports of entry along the California-U.S. Border. He recently sent a letter to DHS Secretary Michael Chertoff, asking him to implement several initiatives at the Calexico Ports of Entry to improve border efficiency and reduce wait times for all. He believes Customs and Border Patrol should strive to keep wait times under 15 minutes, rather than have crossers experience the hour-long waits that many experience on a daily basis.
While Republicans were in control of Congress, they approved the construction of a 700 mile long fence in the name of Homeland Security. The fence is expected to cost around $9 billion to complete, a far cry from the $1.2 billion down payment the Republicans put forth in the legislation.
Bob knows this is not the right approach and that the fence will do nothing to make our nation safer or reduce illegal immigration.
OK, first we had the freaky dwarf who used his pecker as a Hoover extension (boy, that sucked).A woman set fire to her ex-husband's penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka, Moscow police said on Wednesday.
Asked if the man would make a full recovery, a police spokeswoman said it was 'difficult to predict.'
The attack climaxed three years of acrimonious enforced co-habitation.
The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat, something common in Russia where property costs are very high.
WASHINGTON – Rep. Bob Filner's alleged altercation with an airline employee in Virginia on Sunday, which led to an assault-and-battery charge against the San Diego Democrat, wasn't his first such run-in, according to a 2003 Justice Department incident report.
The report alleges that Filner went to an immigration detention facility in El Centro at 6 p.m. on Feb. 22, 2003, and demanded to see a detainee. After officers told him he could not enter the facility, he slipped past them into a secure area and refused to leave when ordered to do so. He then tried unsuccessfully to push his way past detention officers to get farther inside the facility, according to the report.
Filner became argumentative and the detention officers called El Centro police. The police came to the facility, but no charges were filed, according to the report.
Look who Filner considers to be "his constituents":The author of the two-page report, supervisor Juan J. Ramirez, wrote that he had been summoned by other officers to the facility's foyer because Filner was there with the wife of a detainee and two reporters. The group wanted to see the detainee. Ramirez told Filner he would have to wait while they obtained permission for him to visit the detainee, adding that they were seeking it in an “expedited” manner.
“Congressman Filner did not accept my response and told me he had the right to see anybody he pleased,” Ramirez wrote. “He asked me when was the last time I read the Constitution and then told me if I did not let him see his constituent, he would have me arrested.”
Get that? Illegal aliens sitting in detention facilities are Filner's constituents. Of course that kind of makes sense considering his district:
But can this story get better? It can:
The report went on to say that later Filner asked a detention officer, “Are you going to stop me, big man?” and to another, he asked, “Are you going to shoot me, are you going to arrest me?”
A short time later, Ramirez wrote, “I saw Congressman Filner force his way into control area.” Ramirez and seven other officers tried to persuade Filner to return to the foyer.
“I am a congressman and can do whatever I want,” Ramirez quoted Filner as saying.
So, not only are these two accused scum-bags going to be fleecing the tax payers, but, they'll be employing the America-hating, libtard tactics of F.D.S.D.I. (Federal Defender of San Diego, inc). These are the same ACLU-approved tools that rushed to the front of the line to defend the Islamo-Nazi's (Enemy Combatants) that our armed forces picked up off the battlefields in Afghanistan and Iraq and threw their jihadi asses into C-Block at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.
I can just imagine how quick this trial turns into the circus sideshow act it's destined to become. To think of the millions of dollars that were embezzled out of our pockets by these nefarious losers, while they lived the lifestyles of Brahmins, and now we, the people get to support their defense for this. Excuse me while I continue to live by the rules of the greater serfdom of the 50th Congressional District.
You think the dentist in the Federal Pen can fix my gap?
"Global Warming" makes for another unbearable August day in The Apple(CBS) NEW YORK Don't forget to bundle up if you're headed out in New York City today. After all, it is August 21.The city along with the rest of the tri-state region is feeling the chilly effect of a cold front sweeping through the region, accompanied by cool rain showers.
Tuesday's high temperature in Central Park was just 59 degrees. The normal high for today is 82 degrees. The normal low is 67.
In fact, the 59-degree high tied the record for the coldest high temperature ever for the month of August in New York City, when it reached just 59 degrees in 1911.
I'm Bob Filner, bitch! Don't you know who I am?
Anyway...
What does Bob Filner have in common with this woman?
Answer...neither feels that security measures and rules apply to them. Because, you know...they are important people:
WASHINGTON – Rep. Bob Filner faces assault and battery charges in connection with an alleged run-in with a United Airlines employee at Dulles International Airport on Sunday night.
The incident occurred at 6 p.m. Sunday, according to a statement from the Metropolitan Washington Airports Authority.
The eight-term congressman allegedly pushed past the outstretched arm of an employee at United Airline's baggage claim office and entered an employees-only area, according to the statement, issued by airport authority spokeswoman Courtney Prebich. Filner then refused to leave the restricted area when the employee ordered him to do so, Prebich said.
Filner did leave the country, btw. He's on his way to Iraq. From his office:
“Congressman Bob Filner is on his way to Iraq,
looking for reasons to declare the war a failurevisiting our troops, and will have a full statement when he returns. Suffice it to say now, that the story that has appeared in the press is factually incorrect – and the charges are ridiculous.”Filner spokeswoman Amy Pond did not respond to inquiries about when Filner had left for Iraq or when he would return.
Then it was time for you to use that little Anchor Baby of yours. How tragic it would be to separate little Saul from his criminal mother. Who would raise him to be a future illegal alien activist if you were deported?
Yesterday you WERE.
This was never your country Elvira Arellano. You proved that yesterday by your own words, spoken in Spanish:
"I only have two choices. I either go to my country, Mexico, or stay... "
So screw you, Elvira Arellano. And don't come back.
McMINNVILLE, Ore. (AP) - Two 13-year-old boys accused of slapping girls' bottoms and poking or cupping girls' breasts at school apologized on Monday as a judge dismissed charges against the two, ending a six-month case that drew national attention.
Four girls listed as victims by the prosecutors had asked the judge to drop the charges against Cory Mashburn and Ryan Cornelison.
Yamhill County Judge John Collins did so on Monday, saying it was in the "interest of justice."
Ryan Cornelison in court for being a teen-age boy
The News-Register newspaper of McMinnville reported that a "civil compromise" eached by prosecutors and the defense called for both boys to apologize, to pay each of the four girls $250 and to complete a "boundaries education" program.
What wasn't disclosed was whether the boys' paper-route wages would have to be garnished to pay the settlement.
Meanwhile there are no reports on the whereabouts of prosecutor Bradley Berry's brain. There is little hope for its recovery.
Uh...why? A show called Circus Of Horrors lived up to its name when a dwarf accidentally glued his penis to a vacuum cleaner.
Captain Dan The Demon Dwarf was taken to hospital when he became stuck to the the machine after misreading superglue instructions.
"So long Captain Dan...I fail to see what motivates your hand..." The 42-year-old pulls the vacuum across the stage with his manhood at the Edinburgh Fringe production.
Its attachment came loose before a performance so he tried to glue it back on. He left it to dry for 20 seconds rather than 20 minutes – and it stuck to him when he tried it out.
'It was the most embarrassing moment of my life,' he explained. 'When I got wheeled into a packed A&E on a wheelchair with a Hoover attached to my willie, I just wished the ground could swallow me up.'
RICHMOND, Va. - Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick has accepted a plea deal — and a likely prison sentence — to avoid additional federal charges related to a professional dogfighting operation, one of Vick's attorneys said, the Virginian-Pilot, ESPN and Fox News reported Monday.
Vick will enter a guilty plea to the felony conspiracy charge next Monday at 10:30 a.m. ET, said Lawrence Woodward, one of Vick's defense attorneys, the Virginian-Pilot reported.
Vick's sentence will be determined by U.S. District Judge Henry E. Hudson, but a 18- to 36-month sentence was recommended.
Thank you Lord, for giving us LaDainian Tomlinson
NEW YORK - Meet the latest children's author, Sen. Ted Kennedy, and his Portuguese Water Dog, Splash, his co-protagonist in "My Senator and Me: A Dogs-Eye View of Washington, D.C."
"I am very excited about the opportunity to create a book for young readers and their families that will deepen their understanding of how our American government works," Kennedy said...
BAGHDAD – Less than a year after her father was sent to the gallows, Saddam Hussein's daughter is facing charges that could lead to her execution.
A spokesman for the Ministry of Interior said yesterday that Raghad Hussein, 38, has been charged with financing the insurgents who have bedeviled this country since shortly after her father's regime was toppled in 2003.
The spokesman, Abdul Kereem Khalaf, said the Iraqi Judicial Authority issued an arrest warrant for Hussein a year ago, but that it was only being made public now after Interpol, the international police agency, issued a worldwide notice that Iraq was seeking her.
“We have a whole file of evidence against her,” Khalaf said. “It is with the court. If you have the right connections you can see it. But basically she is accused of mass killings of Iraqis by funding terrorist groups.”
If found guilty, Khalaf said, Hussein would be punished with either life in prison or death. In Iraq, defendants given the death penalty are executed by hanging.
Like Father, like Daughter?Naturally, there's a glitch in the plan:
Interpol's “red notice” for Hussein's arrest doesn't amount to an international warrant but is intended to alert its member countries of a person's fugitive status and adds credibility to the charges brought by the Iraqi government. Jordan is a member of Interpol. Efforts to reach authorities in Jordan were unsuccessful.
Khalaf said the Iraqi government's national security adviser has been in Jordan for the last week trying to arrange Hussein's arrest.
I think the Iraqi government and Interpol are going about this the wrong way. They need to send some experts. How about this crew?:
Geraldo says he “cringes” whenever I’m on Fox. I’ll tell you exactly why. It’s not because of any principled objection he has to the arguments I’ve made in my books (which he hasn’t read), columns, blog posts, and tee-vee appearances. It’s because the mere existence of conservative-thinking minorities who reject his tired old brand of identity politics threatens his race/ethnic-card-playing schtick. He can no longer dismiss all immigration enforcement proponents as racists without looking like a fool or tool, because there are countless, vocal numbers of them like me who have skin as brown as his. He cringes because he knows I’m not alone. He cringes because I’ll call out his bullcrap to his face without feeling any need to soften the blow or suck up in a collegial manner. He’s a know-it-all who knows nothing about the deportation abyss–and he masks his fundamental ignorance with incoherent indignance.
Here is why he cringes: It isn’t just white people who are disgusted when he dismisses Jose Carranza’s illegal status as “irrelevant....”
Well kids, it’s been fun...
Mind you, while this is my two year anniversary with Six Meat Buffet, it is my 12th year of using the Smantix pseudonym. 12 years. There comes a point where you wonder where the real you ends and the “fake internet you” begins. I say “a point where you wonder” because I don’t have that problem. The only thing I have never done is try to strangle that interlocutor between my thoughts and a keyboard and let the chips fall.
Needless to say, that interlocutor has since been chopped into little pieces and now decides what the popsicles say to the Omaha Steaks in my basement deep freezer.
Thanks to everybody who took the time to read and bitch and link and comment over these last two years. For all three people who liked what I did, you were an finite source of inspiration...
Sheriff's deputies today arrested three people in connection with the death of a 57-year-old grandmother who was shot after confronting a man tagging a wall in Pico Rivera, a case that has sparked widespread anger.
Maria Hicks died Monday from a gunshot wound to the head that she suffered after a confrontation Friday night.
Hicks was driving home near the intersection of San Gabriel River Parkway and Woodford Street when she noticed a young man tagging a wall, sheriff's officials said. She flashed her lights and honked her horn at the suspected tagger, who began walking away.Hicks continued to follow him, sheriff's officials said, and two people in a silver compact car drove up behind her and fired several shots through her back window, gravely wounding her.She died three days later.
The case was sparked outrage in Pico Rivera and beyond.Sheriff's homicide detectives arrested Cesar Lopez, 19, of Pico Rivera, who is being held without bail after being charged with murder.Jennifer Tafoya, 19, of Pico Rivera and a 16-year-old boy whose identity was withheld because he is a juvenile were arrested on probation violations.
But really...legal or not, those who think they are gangbangers are really just pussies. They're NOTHING when they aren't rolling with fellow losers, and just plain worms when they prey on grandmothers.
Here's hoping that Lopez and Co. end up in this kind of prison.
BRIDGEPORT, Conn. (AP) - Former major league All-Star Jose Offerman was charged with two counts of second-degree assault after hitting an opposing team's pitcher and catcher with his bat during an independent minor league game. Offerman posted $10,000 bond and was due in Bridgeport Superior Court on Aug. 23, court officials said Wednesday.
Offerman, playing for the Long Island Ducks in the Atlantic League, homered in the first inning Tuesday night.The next inning, he was hit by a pitch from Bridgeport Bluefish starter Matt Beech and charged the mound with his bat.
Catcher John Nathans was hit in the head and sustained a concussion. He tried to keep playing, but left the game with nausea and collapsed in the dugout, team spokesman Nick Razzette said.Beech, a left-hander, sustained a broken middle finger on his right hand. Both players were treated at a hospital and released.
Jose Offerman...immediately after throwing another ball into the stands behind first base
Last week the first major subprime lender collapsed under the pressure from loan defaults. American Home Mortgage Investment Corp. sold nearly $60 billion dollars in loans to borrowers in 2006. They were forced to declare bankruptcy when they could no longer find Wall Street firms willing to invest in securities to back the loans they were making.
The failure of AHMC caused subprime concerns to spread to Alt-A mortgages, which are mortgage loans for people with good credit, but who do not want to nor have the means to verify income with tax forms and pay stubs. Alt-A loans made up 13% of all mortgage loans last year according to Inside Mortgage Finance.
When discussing the current mortgage loan crisis before Congress, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke said on July 18, 2007 that "rising delinquencies and foreclosures are creating personal, economic and social distress for many homeowners and communities -- problems that likely will get worse before they get better."
The economic impact of this crisis is obvious. Lenders are running short on cash with which to make future loans and are being forced to borrow money from European banks. Hedge funds investing in mortgage securities are being frozen because managers can't determine their values because of lack of buyers. As of this writing the Dow Jones Industrial Average has fallen nearly 900 points from its high of 14000 based on mortgage default fears. The National Association of Realtors says U.S. housing prices will fall for the first time since the Great Depression of the 1930's.
Just who are these borrowers that are defaulting on their mortgage loans at nearly a 50% rate? Leonardo Simpser of the Hispanic National Mortgage Association (NHMA) says that Hispanic first-time buyers constitute the fastest-growing segment of the subprime mortgage market. He also says that many Latinos, especially recent immigrants, have low FICO credit scores or no scores at all and are less creditworthy than they are in reality.
HNMA is the creator of the Hispanic Automated Underwriting System (HAUS) which claims to allow lenders to "eliminate the need for time-consuming manual underwriting of such applicants, and allows lenders to underwrite borrowers with no Social Security numbers and multiple income sources."
In the swampy soup of hopefuls for the 2008 presidential election, there is a man with a funny name. (No, not that one.)
We're thinking of the one named Fred (Thompson).
Say it out loud. Do it. Fred. Fred. In the South, Fray-ud.
Fur-red-duh.
It has the tonal quality of something being dropped on the floor, something heavy and damp-ish.
Waterlogged paper towel.
Fred.
As if Monica hasn't tried hard enough to mock Fred and his intellect, she follows up with this:
The phonetics of the name seem integral to its image problem: On urbandictionary.com, a "Fred" is defined as "a person who does stupid, annoying, or idiotic things" (Fred Flintstone, Fred Mertz). The best-case descriptors a Fred can hope for are terms like well-intentioned, predictable, benign (Fred Rogers).
