A show called Circus Of Horrors lived up to its name when a dwarf accidentally glued his penis to a vacuum cleaner.
Captain Dan The Demon Dwarf was taken to hospital when he became stuck to the the machine after misreading superglue instructions.
OK. Stop right there. I'm thinking I'm not... even... thinking about applying that to my...er...Johnson, no matter what the instructions say.
"So long Captain Dan...I fail to see what motivates your hand..."
The 42-year-old pulls the vacuum across the stage with his manhood at the Edinburgh Fringe production.
Its attachment came loose before a performance so he tried to glue it back on. He left it to dry for 20 seconds rather than 20 minutes – and it stuck to him when he tried it out.
'It was the most embarrassing moment of my life,' he explained. 'When I got wheeled into a packed A&E on a wheelchair with a Hoover attached to my willie, I just wished the ground could swallow me up.'
Gotta love "fringe" theater peformances...