Wednesday, June 13, 2007

It is SO on! (Updated/Bumped)

Last night on the O'Reilly Factor, Bill announced that he has arranged a cage match between Michelle Malkin and Geraldo Rivera to brawl over the illegal immigration issue. The pre-fight appetizer:



The battle is on Thursday night's O'Reilly Factor. Michelle is going to kick Geraldo's ass...

Update: Michelle lobs the first grenade:


As you follow the debate over the Bush-Kennedy immigration bill, keep this cardinal rule in mind: 99.99 percent of the lawmakers who promise you that they'll ensure the deportation of anyone who doesn't follow their new "guest-worker" regulations are either A) lying or B) completely clueless.


Rule No. 2: Anyone who plays the Enforcement equals Kicking-Down-Doors-And-Depriving-Babies-of-Mother's-Milk card (yes, that's you, Geraldo Rivera) is either A) lying or B) completely clueless.

Read her entire column.

So this is what happened to me

All this time, I thought I was eating healthy. The menu does say "salad".



Shame on you, Taco Bell...for making me believe that you were a heath food restaurant.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

The Scat news you've been waiting for

Uh...no. Sorry.

Headline writers across the country are having a blast with this story:

MARSHALLTOWN, Iowa - Police blame a woman named Butts for stealing toilet paper from a central Iowa courthouse, and while they're chuckling, the theft charge could put her in prison.


"She's facing potentially three years of incarceration for three rolls of toilet paper," Chief Lon Walker said, stifling a laugh as he talked to KCCI-TV about Suzanne Marie Butts. "See, I can't say it with a straight face."



Of course I'll not stoop to the level of those who would make light of this. The attorney for Ms. Butts is hoping to have this wiped clean from her record, but prosecutors say they have a huge pile of evidence against her.

Meanwhile, a London commuter saved the lives of several women by taking matter into his own hands:


A would-be murderer who defecated on trains to "purge" himself of inner voices urging him to kill has been detained indefinitely in a secure mental hospital.


Over several months Bonney Eberendu, 36, ran up a £50,000 damages bill as teams of "specialist cleaners" were forced to withdraw rolling stock from service and spend hours cleaning up after him.


A bus garage worker finally spotted him last October undressing on a double-decker, London's Southwark Crown Court heard.


Peter Zinner, prosecuting, said the defendant went on to explain that on no fewer than five occasions "he had observed women with the intention of doing a frenzied stabbing".


He added: "But he didn't carry out an act of murder because by defecating and smearing his excrement he purged himself of the urge to kill."


Had only Ms. Butts absconded to London with her booty...aw, forget it.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Dennis Miller CRUSHES Harry Reid (updated) BUMPED

Tonight on the 1/2 Hour News Hour on Fox News, Dennis Miller SMOKED Harry Reid. Hot Air has the video up first, I'll follow with an embedded video as soon as one is available.

Michelle Malkin has the best headline.

(Update...as promised)

Has Paris Hilton found God?

Color me skeptical for now:

"I'm not the same person I was," she said. "I used to act dumb. It was an act. I am 26 years old, and that act is no longer cute. It is not who I am, nor do I want to be that person for the young girls who looked up to me. I know now that I can make a difference, that I have the power to do that. I have been thinking that I want to do different things when I am out of here. I have become much more spiritual. God has given me this new chance."




What a difference a weekend in the slam makes...



She has had a person whom she described as a spiritual adviser who said, "My spirit or soul did not like the way I was being seen and that is why I was sent to jail." "God," she said, "has released me."

She is reading newspapers — The LA Times and the Wall Street Journal — and books like "The Secret," "The Power of Now" and the Bible.



Who am I to judge? Look, if Paris Hilton had an epiphanic experience this weekend and embraced God...then Praise the Lord. The witness of her transformation could end up being an amazing example for young girls: "I used to be a vacuous spoiled brat, but look what God did for me..."



Hey...I'll pray for that and for the first time I find myself rooting for Paris. But for now, I'll settle for this:



Her mother had earlier told me that Paris said, "I will never again have a drink and drive."

Baby steps...

A Serious Question

MSNBC interviewed perpetually stoned media expert Tommy Chong about the Paris Hilton non-story. Contessa Brewer must be pissed her career has devolved into interviewing baked "B" movie actors about stupid spoiled whores. Guess which question made me spit coffee all over my keyboard:


Sunday, June 10, 2007

Bird Rock Bandits "Surf" Gang...not so much surfers

Update June 28, 2008 here

Yesterday's Union Tribune had an exhaustive recap of the events leading to the death of pro surfer Emery Kauanui. I've touched on a few things, but make sure you read the entire story:

It started with a spilled drink in a crowded bar called the La Jolla Brew House, not far from the bejewelled beaches of Bird Rock and Windansea.

It ended with a professional surfer sprawled in front of his mother's house, bleeding from a fractured skull.

Four days later, Emery Kauanui Jr. was dead and four of his acquaintances, all graduates of La Jolla High School, were in jail, charged with the first homicide in the seaside enclave since 2002.

From left,"Turd "Bird Rock Bandits" Cravens, House, Yanke and Osuna

Surfers are generally mellow people...with one exception. Don't bogart their waves!

Outsiders or novice surfers trying to ride the waves off Windansea or Bird Rock are likely to encounter angry locals who've been known to protect their slice of the ocean with their fists. Author Tom Wolfe portrayed Windansea's youthful locals as arrogant, indulgent and delinquent in his 1966 essay “The Pump House Gang.”

But even before Wolfe's snide portrayal, Windandsea Surf Club symbolized the raucous side of beach culture, with boastful, boozy, bawdy promises made to riders from Bird Rock to Malibu that weren't always taken, or meant, in jest.


But as it turns out, the surf punks who jumped Emery Kauanui weren't surfers at all. They were just, well...punks:


Police and others examining Kauanui's death are pondering whether this traditionally harsh kind of “localism” may have been adopted on shore by certain young La Jolla toughs, who happened to surf relatively little, if at all.


The legal eagles who are defending these thugs are now trying to portray them as upstanding young men:



Meanwhile, letters submitted in court this week on behalf of Cravens, the 13th of 14 siblings, describe him as a young man of boundless humor who is tender and loving to his 52 nieces and nephews. He also sings and plays the ukulele.

Letters submitted on House's behalf portray him as a likable young man who is a volunteer coach of the lacrosse team at Muirlands Middle School and attends Mesa College in pursuit of a degree in business.



Taylor Bloom, a former La Jolla High cheerleader and a University of California Santa Barbara student, told the court in her letter that “I would trust him with my life.”


Whoa, Taylor! You might want that one back. I mean, House only started a beating that led to the death a friend (allegedly). But I guess you can give House points for his attention to detail:


Police say the fight started between Kauanui and House, but the other three jumped in, punching and kicking the victim even after he was down.



One of the four assailants ran away, two took off in the SUV, and House stayed behind to look for a tooth he lost, Rooney said. A police officer arrived and House was immediately arrested.


Now I don't want to diminish Emery's death. He certainly did not deserve what he got. But details are now surfacing that Emery wasn't exactly an angel. In fact, his actions that night might have provoked a drunken House and the dirtbags he "rolled with" to retaliate:



One of several witnesses laying out the circumstances surrounding the homicide in the early hours of May 24 is Jennifer Grosso.

That night at the Brew House, Grosso said, Kauanui was on the dance floor, moving slowly to the music, when he accidentally spilled his drink on House.



Where this mess all began...the La Jolla Brew House


“I'm not so sure it was an accident,” Rooney said, noting that Kauanui was angry because House was talking to Grosso.

House and Kauanui argued; bouncers separated them and told them to leave. Police have a video shot by a bar patron but won't say what it shows.



Grosso, 20, said she drove Kauanui home in his gray Chevrolet Tracker about half-past midnight.


(An aside. Grosso is just 20 years old. What the hell was she doing in the Brew House that night to begin with?)

A neighbor saw Kauanui pacing outside his mother's house, arguing on his cell phone, about 45 minutes later.


It looks like Kauanui could have avoided the confrontation in the first place. But based on his past, Emery Kauanui was not one to avoid confrontation:


In July 2003, Emery Kauanui Jr., then 20, was charged in Florida with felony battery and spent 32 days in jail for throwing a beer bottle into a man's face.

A year later, Emery and a surfing buddy were involved in a “surf rage” incident at the Oceanside pier, police reported. Kauanui pleaded guilty to misdemeanor battery and was fined $510. In the midst of that case, Kauanui was arrested for drunken driving, pleaded guilty and was sentenced to a first-offenders program, which he failed to complete.

When he died, there was a warrant out for his arrest for violating conditions of probation.


Still...this was a senseless and stupid crime. Perhaps Emery Kauanui should have picked better "friends" than a bunch of morons whose lives circled around getting drunk and getting into fights. No doubt, his choice to hang out with these losers cost him his life.


But there are others who call themselves "Bird Rock Bandits". Listen up, you dweebs. This community will not put up with your garbage and will defend itself against any more thuggery. Take a long look at your buddies...a similar fate awaits you if you keep going down this path. And prison folk won't go easy on spoiled punks like you.



Yesterday's memorial for Emery...300 paddled out at Windansea where Emery's ashes were scattered by his mother.

Saturday, June 9, 2007

Gratuitous 80's Video

Just because I felt like it.

Anyone else remember this MTV video?



Afterthoughts: What is it about the name "Lola" and music? I've never actually met any women named "Lola". Is my life missing something?

NY Times plays "the Race Card" (sort of)

The New York Times is whining this morning about the failure of the "comprehensive" immigration reform deal that Bush tried to shove down our throats. Instead of trying to understand why this bill left such a bad taste in the mouths of so many Americans, the Times instead uses the politically-correct word for racist..."nativist."

The anti-immigrant hard-core — no amnesty today, no amnesty tomorrow, no amnesty ever — must not be allowed to hold the nation hostage. Like nativists of generations past, they think the country is being Latinized, and they fear it. The country is changing, but the way it always has, absorbing newcomers, shaping and being shaped by them, inexorably turning them, their children and grandchildren into Americans.

Ignoring the fact that only 23% of Americans were in favor of the legislation, the Times instead blankets those of us who want our borders enforced as scared, simpletons who don't understand this complex issue.

As far as who the "nativists" really are, count the number of American flags in this protest photo:



Click to make larger

Of course you know who's fault all of this is...it's those DARN REPUBLICANS:

The immigration compromise collapsed on the floor of the Senate Thursday night. Many of its hard-line foes are celebrating, but their glee is vindictive and hollow. They have blocked one avenue to an immigration overhaul while offering nothing better, thwarting bipartisanship to satisfy their reflexive loathing for amnesty, which they define as anything that helps illegal immigrants get right with the law.

The tragedy is that the compromise bill was written to bring these restrictionists along, with punitive, detestable provisions that many supporters of comprehensive reform agreed to endorse for the sake of a “grand bargain.” The bill was badly flawed but fixable, as long as there was the possibility of leadership and courage in Congress.

But obstruction happened. Republican amendments, designed to shred the compromise, happened.

When crunch time came on the bill however, the cloture vote included ELEVEN Democrats. Those votes would not have been enough to end debate on this bill (needing 2/3rds), but at least liberals could have pointed at those "obstructionist conservatives" with a little more credibility. As it was, the cloture vote didn't even muster a simple majority.

Technically, all the cloture vote means is that debate can continue. But the Times, George Bush and Ted Kennedy wanted to just ram this bill down our throats without allowing for for proper analysis. Upon scrutiny, this was a flea-bitten dog of a bill. It put amnesty provisions ahead of enforcement. The American people might have supported the provisions that would have helped illegals "get right with the law", but we simply don't believe either Bush or Congress when they promise enforcement:





(Update) Ace also notices the missing Dems in the Times editorial. The Jawas check in with their analysis:

I also love how the article is entitled " A Failure of Leadership," as if the Democrats aren't in control of both Houses of Congress. Somebody page the NYT and let them know that the Democrats shoulder Congressional failure responsibility ever since November of last year. If the widdle babies don't like that, we can arrange a change in 2008.

Friday, June 8, 2007

Is Iowahawk a big enough Prick?

Dave Burge (Iowahawk) has announced his candidacy for the Presidential race of 2008. However, he has not chosen a party affiliation for this run.

As a delegate of the Insufferable Prick Party, I am strongly considering nominating Iowahawk at our upcoming convention , based on his stand on immigration:


We are a nation of immigrants. But whether our ancestors came here through Ellis Island, the Bering Straits Ice Bridge or by intergalactic transporter beam, we must face the fact that our current immigration system is broken. As President, I will make securing the border my top priority. Unfortunately, the Congress has been slow to approve funding for fences and other barriers to illegal immigration. That's why I have proposed wacky Roadrunner-style misdirection signs along the border that read "ESTADOS UNIDOS -- THIS WAY." Hopefully, this will totally confuse illegal border hoppers and their "coyotes," and they will stay up in Canada where they belong.


I hope Iowahawk strongly considers running as a Prick. He needs stiff support and as a Prick, Iowahawk can insert himself firmly into the 2008 Presidential race.

Surf "gangstas" lawyer up

June 28,2008 Update here
I never met Emery Kauanui...hell, I don't even surf. But this story bothers me because a) these kids hang around close to where I live and b) it involves a mindset that is becoming all to prevalent in Southern California.

I stopped by the scene of the crime...outside of the Draper Street condominium where Kauanui was ganged up on and killed. I spent 5 minutes there and at least a dozen local kids came by to pay their respects...a week after Emery's death:

A card reads "Rest in Peace Sweet Emery"


More of the shrine which winds around the corner, a photo of Emery and his mother is at right

It's unfortunate of course that Emery found himself in the company of such garbage. But he did choose his friends:

Emery with his drinking buddy, alleged-murderer Seth Cravens. Cravens flashes a "gang sign"

Somehow these kids got the brilliant idea that it was cool to act like "gangstas". I'll not be sensitive about this...the gang mentality is idiocy. But these kids were not hardened inner-city youths with nothing else to cling to. In fact one (Eric Yanke) had the means to hire uber-defense attorney Kerry Steigerwalt. This was a lifestyle they chose and cultivated among their "friends".

And they flew under the radar. As it turns out, the police are looking at several assaults the "Bird Rock Bandits" may have been involved in.

LA JOLLA – Four young men charged in the slaying of a professional La Jolla surfer are being investigated in connection with as many as 15 other assaults, San Diego police said.

The investigations began after more than a dozen people called police to report similar assaults upon learning about the fatal beating of Emery Kauanui, homicide Lt. Kevin Rooney said. Police on their own reopened two other dormant cases.


(Clockwise) Osuna, Yanke, Cravens and House

Meanwhile, Judge Jeffrey Fraser has reduced bail for the three "Bandits" who remain in jail (Yanke is out on a $1 million bond). Ordinarily I'd be up in arms about this, except that the bail amounts ($1.2 million to $2 million) are still high enough to dissuade these dirtbags from fleeing if their families raise the funds. Of course their attorneys wanted their bail even lower:

Defense attorneys argued unsuccessfully for much lower bail amounts yesterday, citing their clients' strong ties to the community, family support and lack of criminal history. Some of the lawyers mentioned letters they received from members of the community, some of whom were present in court, who could vouch for the defendants' good character.

"Good character"? You mean like, nice wholesome boys whose pastimes include “getting wasted, partying, surfing and womping?”

House's lawyer, Earll Pott, said he filed 43 letters in court from people who described House as “peaceful,” “caring” and “kind.”

You mean, the kind of "peaceful, caring and kind" guy that would beat and kick a drinking buddy, then leave him to die?

Unfortunately, the remnants of these dweebs who call themselves the "Bird Rock Bandits" still don't get it. On their "myspace" page, they promise more mayhem this summer, pledging a "bloodbath."

It's a good bet that the defense attorneys will not be using the defendant's myspace "friends" as character witnesses.


Medical update

It's been two mornings of consultation and tests, and it appears that there might not actually be anything seriously wrong with me.

Oh...other than I'm FAT.

I weighed in at 301 lbs. My driver's license says "265". So I've gained 35lbs in 7 years. That is a bad trend.

My blood pressure is now approaching "normal". I went through all of the heart tests, had blood and urine samples taken, and my blood pressure was taken about 5 times today. I just checked it at home...126/83.

So what happened Monday? Who knows? But I am taking this as my wakeup call. Dairy Queen is about to lose a valuable customer, so if you hold any DQ stock...sell.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Take the high ground

Uncle Jimbo from BlackFive gives us all good advice on how to deal with the left:

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

John Gibson bitchslaps Truther morons

Johnny Dollar has the audio clip of John Gibson's "interview" with "truther" chimps Matt Lepacek and Luke Rudowksi.

These drooling idiots are running around bragging about being arrested at the New Hampshire Republican Presidential Debate. Gibson had it right when he called them "college fraternity pledges run amok."


Of course you just KNOW who these dweebs support for president:


"What kind of patriot wouldn't be a Ron Paul supporter?"



Right now they are on "Coast to Coast with George Noory...preaching the gospel of 9/11 retardation to the insomniacs who believe in Bigfoot, UFO's and haunted houses.


Not surprisingly...they have a website. I'll not link to it...you can find it yourself if so inclined.


No Porn Here!

Someone logged in here from Istanbul, Turkey and then did a search for "Jenna Jameson".

I didn't know who that was, so I "Googled" her. Turns out she's a porn star.

Uh...I suspect that dude from Turkey was probably some jihadist who was looking to get his groove on behind the back of his mullah.

But for the record...this site has NO porn. And NO Jenna Jameson photos. But if the searches for "porn", and "Jenna Jameson" are going to bring me more traffic...then I'm all for it! Just don't expect to find either on this site.

I will however, put up this fully-clothed photo of Paris Hilton on her way to jail:



Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Bird Rock "Bandits" update

I was planning an update on the tragic and senseless beating death of Emery Kauanui, but due to my little medical escapade yesterday, I'll be posting a more complete update tomorrow. Please remember to keep Emery's family in your prayers:

RIP Emery

And remember, all of the punks who called themselves the "Bird Rock Bandits" are INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY. At least of this crime...for now.

But they are guilty of one thing. Being stupid enough to think that having a gang mentality is a lifestyle. For the rest of you "Bandits" who aren't in jail yet...grow the hell up.

I thought I was going to die...

Well, yesterday was interesting...

I was in my office when my hands and feet started to go numb and I got very dizzy. I'm 42 and overweight and haven't had a checkup in years. Naturally the first thing I thought was...heart attack?

I was able to recover long enough to quietly gather my things and drive myself to Scripps La Jolla Hospital (fortunately, just down the street from my office).

In the waiting room the numbness increased, I got severe chills and extremely dizzy. I was wondering how much longer it would be before I slipped into unconsciousness and perhaps checked out for good.

A nurse got me back to a bed immediately and all of a sudden I had wires, needles, valves and all sorts of medical gadgetry protruding from my body. It all happened so fast...

My blood pressure was 178/103. I had no idea what those numbers meant, but the doctor explained that was way too high. The doctor told me that unless my blood pressure fell back to under 140/100, that I wasn't leaving.

The EKG results came back and my biggest fear was alleviated...my heart seems to be normal. Still, the doctor wants me to see a cardiologist and to have my blood enzymes checked.

He also wants me to see a neurologist to evaluate my risk for stroke.

A few hours later, my blood pressure finally fell to 137/94...and I heard the best news of the day: I could leave. In fact, the doctor suggested that I attend basketball practice (I coach high school) since he thought it would keep things normal for me (as long as I didn't jump in and start playing).

While all of this was going on, I had some strange thoughts. My first one was...what if I have to spend a few nights in the hospital (or what if I die)...and someone has to go back to my home to pick up (or box up) some belongings? MY BED ISN'T MADE AND I HAVE YESTERDAY'S DIRTY UNDERWEAR ON THE FLOOR (I missed the hamper and was too lazy to pick it up).

How embarrassing...

I also thought of this...my symptoms first started appearing right about the time I began this blog (about 4 days ago). Is blogging some high-pressure endeavor? Does blogging create an obsessive nature? Does the snarkiness inherent with political blogging cover up a rage-mentality that would raise my blood-pressure?

Of course over-analysis of this is kind of a liberal thing...let's study every "underlying" issue that might relieve me of accountability and ignore the elephant in the room:

I'm fat. At least 80lbs heavier than I should be. My diet sucks, I drink way too much coffee, and I don't exercise enough. In other words...THIS IS MY FAULT.

I thought of the recent death of liberal blogger Steve Gilliard (the guy who photo-shopped Michael Steele in black-face and accused him of being a "Sambo"). He died at 41 and he was a hefty dude. He had heart disease (and other health issues) no doubt brought on because of his weight.

He had a proclivity for eating the same garbage I do. And he went through medical hell before his body finally gave out.

There is a current mini-firestorm over at Six Meat Buffet because of Smantix's "eulogy" about Gilliard. Smantix was certainly insensitive for writing such a biting "tribute" only a few hours after Gilliard died.

The same liberal community who spat on Jerry Falwell's corpse before he had gotten cold, is APPALLED that someone would be so insensitive as to write such meanness.

But Gilliard was a rude and sarcastic blogger himself. My bet is that he would have told all those bed-wetters who are so up in arms to get a grip on themselves and quit acting like such babies. At least I'd like to think that.

I know this...certainly I'd like all of my friends to think well of me should I leave this earth prematurely. I also wouldn't give a rat's butt what my detractors said about me...let them fire away.

Monday, June 4, 2007

Who needs a mortgage?

On a telephone pole outside my local golf course:


Looks like the guy's adverstising budget is a little short. So I'm giving him free exposure. Give him a call,he looks like he needs the business I'm sure he'll do a GREAT job for you!

Sunday, June 3, 2007

It's Miller Time!

Dennis Miller was on The O'Reilly Factor last week and had some choice commentary on John Edwards, Mitt Romney, Rudy Giuliani and the dim-witted community of Boulder, Colorado.

The money shots:


"I love it when you weighed in on Edwards because to me the guy's just an overly-coiffed pillar of dim..."

(On the Edwards estate): "You see the mother ship right there...I kept looking for the pea-pod people to lead Richard Dreyfuss right up to the front door..."

"There are two Americas...those who buy Edwards and those who think he's a complete phony. I am in the latter camp."

"It's one of the things I have trouble with the Democratic party now when they circle the hybrids , they all get into lockstep with the message..."

"I think that Rudy (Giuliani) as far as terrorism goes is just entering his peak killing years and that's why I'm for him."

(On the Boulder school district): "If I was a parent, I'd walk down there and punch somebody in the nose..."

Enjoy:



Of course Dennis can be a little esoteric with his historical and literary references so to help us all along, here is the beginning of our Dennis Miller glossary:

Clifford Irving: Novelist who wrote the famous fake autobiography of Howard Hughes.

Sir Thomas More: Patron Saint of Lawyers and Statesmen, martyred by Henry VIII
Tom Joad: Destitute protagonist in Steinbeck's Grapes of Wrath

Bass Weejuns: Penny loafers

Heston waking up in the field, the chimp's on top of the pony: Planet of the Apes reference

Keepin' it real with Gary Sheffield (Updated)


In the weeks before the roll-out of this blog, I was lamenting the missed opportunity to blog about moron athletes like Michael Vick, Floyd Landis and Lastings Milledge. I was thinking...what if athletes never did or said anything stupid again?

Well...this didn't take long. Seems noted sociologist Gary Sheffield has a theory as to the rising percentages of Latin ballplayers in the major leagues.

"I called it years ago. What I called is that you're going to see more black faces, but there ain't no English going to be coming out. … [It's about] being able to tell [Latin players] what to do -- being able to control them," he told the magazine.

"Where I'm from, you can't control us. You might get a guy to do it that way for a while because he wants to benefit, but in the end, he is going to go back to being who he is. And that's a person that you're going to talk to with respect, you're going to talk to like a man.

"These are the things my race demands. So, if you're equally good as this Latin player, guess who's going to get sent home? I know a lot of players that are home now can outplay a lot of these guys."

So basically if two ballplayers are "equally good", team management is going to pick the player who is less of a pain in the ass? How RACIST of them!

Of course Gary Sheffield has made a career of being a pain in the ass. That might explain why he's played for 7 different teams despite his considerable talent.

But just so nobody accuses him of being all "uppity", he might want to borrow this from Cynthia McKinney:



Update: Van Helsing over at Moonbattery has his take on Sheffield, along with some video of the Cubs "controlling" one of their Latin ballplayers.