Thursday, September 18, 2008

Dumbing it Down

This op ed pissed me off so royally I couldn't see straight.

Oh excuse me. I should have said "This har bit o' writin' by this here uppity darkie done made me so stinkin' mad I was shakin' lahk a weasel stuck in the chikin wahr." Because that's the kind of stupid, backwards, slow-witted, simple-minded, non-nuanced, layers-challenged, southern, racist, Reagan lovin', fetus-worshipping Republican that I am. That's too big to stick on a pin isn't it?

What a windbag. I don't even know where to begin.

Let me just say that my choice of party is a rational one based upon a belief in man's individual freedoms. Conservatives debate issues amongst themselves. We argue vehemently and with a great amount of intellectual skill. My conservative friends in the blogosphere are a diverse group as far as the left would characterize "diverse." There are gays, straights, pro-lifers, pro-choicers, blacks, Jews, athiests, Christians, males and females. We may disagree on a few things, but we are not so diverse in our understanding of the role of federal government in our lives. Over the years of weighing issues against our ideals of justice, fairness, and freedom, we've gotten pretty solid about what we believe. That's why our answers are so short.

Barack Obama can't answer a simple question clearly because he has been sheltered among academics who never would deign to debate ideas with a conservative. He has to dance around the world when it comes to the question of when life begins because inside he knows his answer would outrage the gentle people of the United States.

I could dumb down this whole op-ed. It would fit on a bumper sticker, and libs would buy it. Americans are retarded. Keep it simple.

Let's dumb down Barack's nkay?

Q."When does life begin Mr. Obama?"

A."A baby's life begins when a mother decides not to kill it."

Q."What about the economy?"

A."I want to steal from the rich and give to the poor."

Q."What about foreign policy?"

A. "I will spend a great deal energy time chastising good Christians who want to protect their families, love their neighbors, and have a hope for humans to live in peace and make it to Heaven, while offering my support to cultures who mutilate their daughters, kill their sons, and wish for everyone to suffer Hell on Earth."

Q. "So you support terrorism?"

A. "Well, no. I wouldn't say that. I do support left wing American style domestic terrorists like William Ayers. He's got style. Radical white American professors just look so smart clinging to their Molotov cocktails and stepping on the flag."

Sounds kind of scary when you dumb him down, no? I'd advise the guy to smile more, and dress in a lot of layers this fall.

6 comments:

The Terminator said...

The day the NYT lamely excused John McCain's op-ed out while keeping Obama's break downs and plans as president, I lost any remote shreds of trust in the MSM.

I long ago figured the coverage of anything to do with republicans in the MSM is almost as bad as the reports against Israel.

Almost.

It's like the MSM is an entity of its own. It has a self-driven agenda that mimics the exact same fundamentals of skynet.

Nigel said...

Thanks for clarifying Obama's positions for me, Michele. I was getting confused with all of his "uhms" and "ahs" and the interjection of "hope" and "change" every fourth word, and all of his talk about things being "above his pay grade".

Yiddish Steel said...

Lucky for you, Nigel and Michelle, blogging is not above your pay grade.

When Obama speak, it give Chris Matthews funny, tingling feeling in his leg. It also give Keith Olberman full erection at 1.25"

Michele said...

Conservatives are the new Jews in a way. It's culturally acceptable to compare our president to a chimp, throw bricks through our local republican headquarters during the last election, throw oreos at black Republican politicians. It goes on and on. It's not news.

We're even risking vandalism to put a bumper sticker on our car.

The Terminator said...

michele,

I couldn't have said it any better.
Spot on.

B Smith said...

When people accuse George Bush of being stupid, I love to ask them, "How many Ivy-League degrees do YOU have? How many jet fighter planes are YOU rated to fly?"
A close relative pointed out that Bush didn't graduate anywhere near the top of his class. I pointed out that said relative had spent six years in college himself, and didn't graduate, period.
These people would be comical, if I had that sick a sense of humor.