Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Sorry Nigel

Dear Nigel,

Before you went out of town you shot me an email asking me to babysit this blog. And I'm so sorry that I haven't been keeping a good watch on it. I've allowed comments to back up, and cobwebs to grow around its corners. So I have to make an admission. This may hurt.

You see I haven't been babysitting this blog because I've been babysitting a dog. And Nigel, his name is Rigel. No kidding.

I call him Diaper Dog. You see, I took on a job as a dog walker so that I could pay for my son's private school and still homeschool my daughter which has been nice, but this week I have Rigel and his dog siblings Peanut and Shelby. He's an elderly border collie that's incontinent and arthritic, and on pain meds, incontinence meds and heart meds. He's the poster dog for euthanasia. His legs don't work, so four times a day I have to hang on to his diaper and his collar and walk him like a rocking horse down the front stairs, so that I can drag him into the grass. Most of the time he poops while you're dragging him. Well, at least when he poops outside. Sometimes I find it in the living room. After I walk him, I change the adult diaper that's wrapped around him. I have to wipe him and powder him and duct tape a Depends on him. Then I rocking horse him back upstairs. Four. Times. A. Day. Hubby may help by getting me a sheet of plywood so I can make a ramp to drag Rigel down. It would come in handy when he poops, because he could poop while sliding, which may be entertaining to him. The other two dogs in the home are a toothless old poodle named Peanut who looks like Andy Warhol and tries to bite, and Shelby the sheltie who is on thyroid medicine.

I also walk a cocker spaniel in the morning and evening for a sweet little old man who lives in an assisted living community.

The day is so broken up I don't have time for much but to run quick errands, homeschool my daughter, feed my family, and get a shower.

I think Woman of Abomination is sleeping with my husband while I'm busy, she's never been much help to me so I'm not sure she can help you much either.

Sorry Nigel,


Anonymous said...

Nigel's out of town?

Michele said...

Yes. I think he's in the CIA. Now that I've said that, he probably is going to have to eliminate me.

Anonymous said...

Wow - You can afford private school for your son by walking other people's dogs for money (and still have plenty of time left to blog)! What's the going rate for dog walkers these days? I may want to switch careers.

Nigel said...

Yes ladies...fighting Islamotards wherever I find them...

Michele, I won't eliminate you because I need you, but I may have to borrow some of WOA's obedience implements...